Our Shoes
 
 
January 28, 2008
 
I've had the story of the lost sheep on my mind for the last month or so.  I've read those 3 verses dozens of times over the last several weeks.  Matthew 18:12 14 tells us that Jesus shared this with his disciples.  "If a man has a hundred sheep, and one wanders away and is lost, what will he do? Won't he leave the ninety-nine others and go out into the hills to search for the lost one?  And if he finds it, he will rejoice over it more than over the ninety-nine others safe at home!  Just so, it is not my Father's will that even one of these little ones should perish.
 
Having been raised on a church pew, I've heard this message preached quite a few times.  What usually comes to mind when I read this passage is the story of a backslider or someone who has left the church or wandered away from the safety of the flock.  Someone who was "weak" or became trapped in some sort of temptation and needed the shepherds help to come back into the fold.   This is a very compelling message and one that has caused many to turn back to God and feel His love for them.
 
When I read this passage, I think about how Jesus refers to Himself as the "Good Shepherd" in John chapter 10.  I think about how pastors are the shepherds of their flocks and how protective they are of their sheep.  My dad, who is a pastor, is a good shepherd.  There are times he loses sleep, because one of the "sheep" in his flock has drifted astray or has wandered away from the rest of the flock.  It weighs heavy on his mind and heart.  It may be all he thinks about for days, even weeks.  Many times I have thought, "Why can't he just focus on the 99% that are doing great?  He cant control what everyone does!  Not everyone will be content and doing great all the time."  I can think those things because I am not the shepherd.  A good shepherd will lose sleep at times.  A good shepherd will have a burden for the one that is lost or drifting away.  No one rejoices more than the shepherd when the sheep returns to the rest of the flock.
 
All of these things come to mind as I read this passage; however, this is not what my focus has been over the last few weeks.  This passage, spoken by Jesus, was part of an answer that He gave to his disciples when they asked who was the greatest in the kingdom of Heaven.  Jesus answered that anyone who humbles himself as a child would be the greatest in the kingdom.  He warns what will happen to someone who causes another to do wrong.  In verse 10 he cautions us to not despise a single one of these little ones.  In verse 14 He talks about how it is not Gods will that any of these little ones would perish.
 
I had really never read verses 12 14 within the context of verses 1 10.  This has become a source of great comfort to me.  It is not Gods will that any child should perish or be lost.  
 
Do you ever feel lost?  Not "lost" in the spiritual sense.  I'm quite secure in my salvation, but sometimes I just feel "lost".  I'm not sure what's supposed to happen next.    Sometimes I'm tangled up in worry or chaos that happens to be part of my world at the time.  Sometimes I don't feel like I'm the right person to do the things God may be asking me to do.  Sometimes I feel weak and alone and afraid.  But I am not alone.  These are the times that God sees me as a little child.  These are the times that He will look for me.  I take great comfort in the thought of Jesus coming to look for me when I am feeling lost and unable to find my way.   These are the times that He scoops us up and carries us.  He is the Good Shepherd.
 
Many of my good friends have children with special needs.  We carry each other's burdens.  We rejoice together and we cry together.  Many times our hearts are heavy for our children.  Sometimes, the nature of their disability may cause them to be separated from the rest of their "flock" or peers.  They are "lost" because, unfortunately, our society doesn't always adopt the "lost sheep" philosophy of Jesus.  Many in our society think like I've thought about my dad before.  "Focus on the ninety-nine.  Dont let the 1% make you lose sleep."  (Im ashamed that I've had those thoughts now!)  
 
How wonderful to think of Jesus looking for our kids.  He will always go to the one who is weak and unable to find their way.   What a comforting image it is to me to visualize Jesus finding Alex, when she is alone and has lost her way.  He will pick her up and take her to where she needs to be. 
 
I pray that God will send "shepherds" to Alex to help her and guide her as she maneuvers her way through this world.  I pray that God will let me be a shepherd to someone who is hurting or is struggling to find the way.  I pray that I don't become so excited about the 99 that are doing great that I miss seeing the little one who hasn't quite caught up with everyone else yet.  I pray that God gives all of us a stronger love for the least - the ones that can't give back - the hungry, the thirsty, the disabled, and the sick.
 
~Kelly
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December 5, 2007
 
Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.
Luke 2:14
 
It's Christmas time!  The most wonderful time of year, right?  Are you feeling like it's the most wonderful time of year?  December is one of my favorite months, but there's no denying that it can be one of the most stressful.  I don't know anyone who doesn't have more things to do than they have time.  And all the planning in the world can't manufacture time.
 
We can't control stress but yet we do have some ability to control what stress does to us.  Sometimes I do a good job with this and other times, not so hot!  Do you recognize what stress does to you?  I may begin to feel overwhelmed.  I'm good at recognizing this and I do what I can to counteract it.  I make lists.  I take my lists and give everything a time so that I can "see" how everything will be accomplished.  Ah, that feels better!  That gives me some "peace" and will allow me to sleep at night rather than feel like I have to be up all night working on one of the many things there is to do.  For me, that only leads to other problems.  The less I sleep, the more emotional I am.  Couple that with being overwhelmed and depression is just around the corner.
 
Over the last week or so, I've started struggling with "what if's?"  What if this happens?  What if that happens?  After a few days I caught myself.  Where was this coming from?  I haven't allowed my thoughts to run like that for several years.  Was stress causing this?  Maybe.  I think more than stress, I must admit, is that with all my list making and gift-buying and decorating, I hadn't set aside time for me to think about good things, lovely things.  I think if there's a scripture that's become my "motto" it's Philippians 4:6-9.
 
"Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything.  Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.  If you do this, you will experience God's peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand.  His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.Fix Your thoughts on what is true and honorable and right.  Think about things that are pure and lovely and admirable.  Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.  Keep putting into practice all you learned from me and heard from me and saw me doing, and the God of peace will be with you."
 
We can "fix" or control our thoughts.  That is our choice.  We can "cast down imaginations" (II Corinthians 10:5).  I can choose to stop a particular train of thought and begin thinking about something "lovely or admirable".  The "What if's" are not true!  For me, they're not usually lovely or worthy of praise either!  They usually involve something catastrophic or embarrassing.  Stop those thoughts!!!  We have to "practice" this as Paul instructed us to do in the above verses.   THEN we are told we will have peace. 
 
If you're worried, tell God about it and thank him for all he has already done for you.  IF YOU DO THIS, (verse 7) you will experience Gods peace.  We can't expect to go to church on Sunday (or Saturday if you're at Open Arms!), be truly blessed by God's Spirit and then on Monday begin to allow our imaginations to run wild, filling our mind with negative trash and never picking up our Bibles or talking to God.  By Tuesday, we're wondering why were so anxious and depressed.  We are what we think!
 
If your plate of life is full already, December will cause things to start falling off your plate as you try to pile on more and more.  Then we run around cleaning up messes and our stress quickly turns to anxiety.  Be proactive!  Guard your mental and emotional health.  Put into practice Philippians 4:6-9.  Spend time talking with God as you go about your daily routines.  Set aside a few minutes to fill your mind with God's word and talk with Him.  Ask friends to pray for you.  Remember that God came to be with us.  He came to be our Savior, to rescue us from a world that offers nothing but heartache and emptiness.  He came to give us hope and life and peace and to dwell with us and within us. 
 
~Kelly
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October 30, 2007
 
About a week ago, Scott taught a Bible study on worship.  One of the scriptures that he used was James 4:7-10:
7 Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.
8 Draw nigh to God, and He will draw nigh to you. Cleanse your hands, ye sinners; and purify your hearts, ye double minded.
9 Be afflicted, and mourn, and weep: let your laughter be turned to mourning, and your joy to heaviness.
10 Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and he shall lift you up.
 
I was using the Living Bible at the time.  Verse 10 in the Living Bible reads "When you bow down before the Lord and admit your dependence on Him" then He will lift you up.  This really struck me because I had never thought of being humble in that wayadmitting my dependence on God.  God has really been dealing with me regarding this verse.  
 
These verses are, in a way, a summary of how God wants us to live our lives.  Submit our will to His will.  Resist sin.  Draw close to God and have a reciprocal, personal relationship with Him.  Repent.  Have a contrite heart.  Admit your dependence on God.  God will lift us up and take care of us.
 
As I began to study this passage of scripture, I referenced Matthew Henry's commentary.  It says of verse 8 that we draw nigh to Him through trust, faith and obedience and then He draws nigh to us with mercy (peace).  So simple.  As we have complete trust, of course, we'll have peace.  We will know God always takes care of us.  Why worry?  If we have obeyed His Word when we approach Him, then we will know His promises to us protect us. 
 
This reminded me of I Peter 5:6-7, one of my favorite passages of scripture.  The Living Bible version reads  "So humble yourselves under the mighty power of God, and in His good time He will honor you.  Give all your worries and cares to God, for He cares about what happens to you."    I don't always read verse 5, but this time I did.  It says that God resists the proud but gives grace or favor to the humble. 
 
God really began to deal with me regarding my "independent" nature; of which I am so "proud".  I'm just going to be honest.  I often pride myself on being able to take care of things, solve problems, solve conflicts.  It's in my nature not to depend on others but to do everything myself.  I began to wonder whether I've let some of that thinking creep into my relationship with God.  Do I always try to take issues to Him first or do I just take Him the things I can't do on my own?  If I have pride in my heart, will He resist my prayers?  If I'm not totally admitting dependence on Him every day not just with my words, but with my actions and the thoughts of my heart, will He still lift me up? 
 
I began to think of my relationships, not just with God, but with others husband, family, friends.  Matthew Henry says of I Peter 5:6 that "humility is the great preserver of peace and pride is the great disturber of them".  Is pride what causes me to have conflict in other relationships as well?  Am I always ready to admit my dependence on my husband, on the church, on my family and friends?  Or do I "pride" myself on not having to ask for help? 
 
Why do I hesitate to ask others for help?  Why do I try to solve my problems on my own, especially the ones that are really impossible to fix?  Am I daily admitting my dependence on God?  Does God sometimes want me to depend on others?  What keeps me from doing that?  Lack of trust?  Pride?    If I think back to the times in my life when I knew that God had truly shown me favor, I find it was during the times that I'd been the most desperate.  It was the times when I was in an impossible situation and I had no choice but to turn it over to Him; the times that I approached Him without pride, totally admitting my dependence and desperate need of Him. 
 
If you happen to be reading this and have a child with a disability or maybe you just have a situation in your life that you're pouring yourself into, just trying to fix it.  Please join me in my journey to not be too proud to ask for the help of others that God may send our way as an answer to prayer.  Let us receive favor, honor and mercy from God as we approach Him daily with a repentant heart, acknowledging total dependence on Him.
 
~ Kelly
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October 13, 2007
 
I had a wonderful thing happen to me recently.  I now have a concrete answer to a prayer that was prayed several years ago. 
 
I am a part of a prayer group of wonderful women.  We have gotten together once or twice a month for almost 3 years.  We joined together, not because we were all of the same religious affiliation, but because we all had a child who had special needs.   We came together to help each other bring our needs to God.  We believe that we fulfill God's will by "bearing one anothers burdens" (Gal. 6:2).  Many prayers have been answered over the years.  I remember one particular time when several of us prayed for teachers and peers to have love in their hearts for our kids.  Because of the nature of autism and the effects the disability can have on some people, some of our children have a very difficult time making friends.  For my daughter, conversational language is a problem and so is awareness of social rules and behavior.  This makes being a friend nearly impossible for her but yet she needs people to be a friend to her.  The Bible even tells us "To have friends, one must show himself friendly" (Prov 18:24).  But we took our requests to God and God began to answer prayers. 
 
Last week I received a note home from a mom named Cathy.  Her daughter is a very special girl named Jessica.  Her note said:
 
"Every year the children at our church sing and speak during a sacrament service in September.  This is the text of Jessica's talk.  These are the exact words she wrote down.  I just typed the text."
 
This is what Jessica wrote about my daughter:
 
"My faith in Jesus Christ grows when I serve others.  I have a friend at my school that has autism.  We're really good friends and I like to set good examples for other people.  You have to be very clear to talk to her.  I met Alex in Kindergarten and started to be nice in first grade.  I got candy when I was nice in second grade.  I got to go to her birthday party at the Magic House.  Me and Alex have been paired up in school for 3 years because she listens to me better than the teacher because I am her friend.  She feels like a sister to me and she is so kind.  It feels good to be kind around her and to her.  So the nice you are the better reward you'll get.  That's what Jesus wants me to do.  In the name of Jesus Christ.  Amen."
 
 Some of you may be thinking "how sweet".  To me this was a miracle.  Scott and I believe that this is a direct answer to a prayer that was prayed asking that God put a love for Alex into the heart of a peer.  I believe that God immediately began to answer that prayer as it was prayed.  We don't always see the answer immediately.  Isaiah 65:24 tells us "..while they are still talking to me about their needs, I will go ahead and answer their prayers."
 
I am so thankful that God continues to give us glimpses of His glory and purpose through us.  Not all of our prayers are answered immediately.  The "biggie" of complete healing for Alex has not yet happened, but God has shown us many times that He knows right where we are.   Sometimes, for God to get glory through our lives we have to be in a spot where we have big needs, many needs.  We have to become dependent on Him.  Then HE gets the glory for the answered prayers.
 
Ephesians 3:20-21 tells us "Now glory be to God!  By His mighty power at work within us, He is able to accomplish infinitely more than we would ever dare to ask or hope.  May He be given glory in the church and in Christ Jesus forever and ever through endless ages. "
 
Today, think about the needs of your family.  Take them to God and let Him begin to do more than you can ask or hope!
 
~ Kelly
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October 2, 2007
 
I'm sitting here about to put into words the first devotional for "Our shoes" and I'm not sure how to start it out.  Scott and I talked several times about me having a special place on our web site for "the moms".  I was quite proud of the great name that he came up with for it; our shoes!  Most of the things I write about will probably be written with moms, like me, in mind because those are the "shoes" that I walk in every day.  That is what is closest to my heart other moms, like me, who have a child that is different from the "norm" a child with special needs.  I don't write as an authority (far from it!),  but rather as a partner or a friend.  I do not have answers to give to you but I know the One who has the answers.   I am not strong, in fact most of the time I feel very weak, but I have learned where to go to find strength.
 
I can remember vividly the day my daughter, Alex, was diagnosed with autism.  I still cannot remain dry-eyed as I think about it.  Scott and I felt so alone.  We knew of no one who had gone through anything like what we were facing.   So, Scott and I hope that our web site for "Open Arms" will not just be a web site for the church but also a place for families to feel connected to someone else and to feel connected to God.
 
Over the last few weeks I've been thinking about the subject matter of a "first" devotional for "Our Shoes".  I keep coming back to this:  Jesus loves you, or God knows where you're at.  The phrase "Jesus loves you" has become so common that I don't think we ever stop to think about it any more.  If you go to church you've probably seen it written on bookmarks, shoelaces, bouncy balls, pencils and all sorts of things.  It's something we know and we sometimes take for granted.  We stop thinking about it.
 
Where were you when your child was diagnosed with "...."?  I can tell you the date, the time, the place, what she was wearing, what the doctor looked like, and the fear that began to try to overtake my faith that day.  I can tell you what the ride home was like with my husband as we sat in silence for an hour, tears streaming down our faces.  I can tell you how it felt to tell my husband's parents that their only grandchild had a life-long disability.
 
What were your questions for God?  Did He allow it to happen?  Cause it to happen?  Was it a punishment for something I had done or hadn't done along the way?  Was it just luck of the draw?  Genetics?  Environmental triggers?  I've asked all of these at different times.  We all come from different places.  We all have different struggles that we face along the journey.  We all share one common denominator.  God knows and God cares.  He wants to help us.  He died to help us. 
 
How does God know?  Isaiah 53 tells us:  "He was despised and rejected a man of sorrows, acquainted with bitterest grief.  We turned our backs on him and looked the other way when he went by.  He was despised and we did not care.  Yet it was our weaknesses he carried.  It was our sorrows that weighed him down."  Jesus carried our grief and sorrow all the way to the cross.    He died to give us hope and life.
 
How do we know that God cares or knows where we are?   Jeremiah 29:11 tell us "For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord.  "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.  "
 
Deuteronomy 23:5 tells us "..He turned the intended curse into a blessing because the Lord your God loves you." 
 
~ Kelly